5 Key Takeaways:
Impact on the Couple: The arrival of a baby fundamentally changes the dynamics in a relationship. Parents need to adjust to a new rhythm and adopt new roles.
Communication is Key: Children observe their parents' relationship. Intentional and constructive communication is essential for creating a healthy environment for the child.
The Risk of Illusory Projects: Having a baby as a “rescue project” for an unstable relationship is risky and may create additional problems. The couple’s stability should be strengthened before the baby’s arrival.
Pressure from Idealized Images: Perfect family photos on social media put unnecessary pressure on parents. It’s important to maintain realistic expectations and avoid striving for perfection.
Accepting Help: It’s crucial for parents to accept available support and have access to resources. A strong bond in the early days lays the foundation for sustainable family dynamics.
The arrival of a new baby brings not only joy and happiness but also significant changes to the parents' lives. How does this fundamental shift impact the couple’s relationship and communication? How do the first 1,000 days of a child become a central challenge, and what can parents learn from it? Marie-Jeanne Schon, a systemic family therapist, shares her insights and observations about the role of a baby in a young family in a conversation with 1000Deeg.
Marie-Jeanne Schon: A systemic family therapist with years of experience, Marie-Jeanne Schon helps families, couples, and individuals strengthen relationships, navigate challenges, and gain new perspectives. Her focus is on communication, bonding, and family dynamics.
When Two Become Three – The Revolution in Family Dynamics
“The arrival of a baby is the transition from two to three people in most cases. This means the relationship between two individuals becomes a relationship of three, where the third person plays an immensely important role,” explains Marie-Jeanne Schon. The couple’s relationship often moves to the background as attention shifts to the new little one.
Parents must adapt to a new rhythm and balance. “The first phase with a baby is an intense period, with every day being emotionally and physically demanding. The couple’s relationship undergoes a transformation, requiring a lot of understanding and commitment from both partners,” she says.
Communication as the Key
Children observe their parents’ communication and relationship, even when they are very young. This makes it essential for parents to communicate intentionally and constructively. Marie-Jeanne Schon emphasizes that conflict is not necessarily bad for the child, as long as it is handled respectfully. “A child can benefit from seeing its parents have discussions, but it also needs to witness them finding solutions and reaching agreements.”
Ideally, parents work on their communication before the baby’s arrival. However, even after birth, communication remains a vital resource, not only to strengthen the relationship but also to create a stable foundation for the child.
The Danger of a “Rescue Project”
Some couples hope that having a baby will change or save their relationship. Marie-Jeanne Schon explicitly warns against such expectations. “A child as a ‘project’ to bring a couple together is extremely risky. A baby cannot stabilize an unstable foundation – quite the opposite.” A new life brings not only joy but also stress and sleep deprivation. If the relationship is already shaky, this can exacerbate the situation.
The expert explains that the baby reflects its environment directly. Conflicts and unstable dynamics affect the child’s sense of security and its bond with caregivers.
Idealized Images on Social Media
In a world full of perfectly curated family photos on social media, many parents feel disconnected from reality. “Of course, you only see the rosy moments. But reality is often far less glamorous,” says Marie-Jeanne Schon. The expectation of mastering every situation perfectly puts parents under unintentional but immense pressure.
Marie-Jeanne encourages realistic portrayals and acceptance that not every day will be conflict-free or flawless. “Our lives don’t run in a straight line. And that’s okay. Parents should allow themselves to take breaks and not strive for perfection.”
Support and Access to Resources
The availability of parenting schools or prenatal courses is an essential step to preparing parents for their responsibilities. However, those who could benefit the most are often not reached. “As a society, we need to consider how we can offer better resources in an accessible and inclusive context,” explains Marie-Jeanne.
The goal should be to promote a culture where young families are supported not only materially but also emotionally and psychologically.
Conclusion:
The first 1,000 days with a new baby are an intense period that fundamentally changes a couple’s relationship. With intentional communication, realistic expectations, and an open mindset, parents can navigate this challenge successfully.
Marie-Jeanne Schon reminds us: “It’s important for parents not to feel alone and to accept help where needed. The bond formed in those early days and weeks lays the foundation for a strong and sustainable family dynamic.”
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