Trust and Attachment: Adoption and Psychomotor Therapy
What does it take to rebuild trust when a child has already experienced a profound separation early in life? This central question lies at the heart of Mireille Donny's work, a psychomotor therapist at the Red Cross, who works daily with adoptive families. Adopted children are often described as "incredible survivors" – resilient individuals who, despite traumatic experiences, seek a new anchor in their adoptive families.
According to Mireille Donny, this process is largely based on attachment theory, which explains how trust and relationships are formed. Many of these children have experienced broken trust with a caregiver early on. They come to their new families with a "sensory memory" of these separations, which can affect their ability to form new attachments.
A Different Approach to Psychomotor Therapy
Mireille Donny's psychomotor approach stands out in its focus on strengthening the bond between child and parents. Unlike traditional therapies that focus solely on the child, she emphasizes the active involvement of the parents. "The goal is to foster the child's bond with their parents, not with the therapist," she explains.
The proposed activities, such as psychomotor obstacle courses or structured games, allow parents to set loving boundaries while providing reassuring predictability for the child. These simple measures – such as clearly announcing the start and end of a game or limiting choices – create a sense of security.
The Attachment Process: A Journey in Several Stages
According to Mireille Donny, the attachment process for adopted children goes through several key stages:
The shock of the first meeting: An often overwhelming moment when the child and parents meet for the first time.
The phase of adjustment: A time when the child learns to trust the new adults taking care of them.
Adapting to family life: The child begins to understand and integrate the dynamics of their new family.
True attachment: A deeper stage where genuine trust and security develop.
These stages help parents better understand the emotional needs of their child and adapt to their pace.
What Parents Can Do in Practice
Mireille Donny shares several practical tips for parents:
Active participation in sessions: Parents should be present and actively involved during activities to strengthen their bond with the child.
Setting loving boundaries: Clear yet comforting boundaries help the child feel secure.
Providing predictability: For example, clearly announcing the start and end of an activity or limiting the choices offered to the child.
Understanding and adapting: Parents need to adjust their expectations and recognize that adopted children often need more time to build attachments.
Supporting the child in daily life: Applying these tools in everyday life can provide the child with a stable and reassuring environment.
Preparing the child for future events: Using role-play to simulate stressful situations, such as a trip or the arrival of a new family member, can help the child better understand and manage these transitions.
Challenges for Adopted Children
Mireille Donny explains that adopted children often develop behaviors such as early independence or control strategies to cope with their past. Some children make decisions to protect themselves, having learned not to always trust adults. These strategies, while helpful in their previous environments, need to be gradually adapted to the new family reality. Parents must be patient and show their children that they can relinquish control and build trust.
The Emotional Impact on Parents
Attachment is a reciprocal process. Parents also need to learn to be patient and flexible while adjusting their expectations. Welcoming an adopted child often means rethinking preconceived notions – for instance, understanding that some children may not be immediately ready to accept gestures of affection.
Mireille Donny emphasizes that this approach requires a delicate balance between structure and flexibility. Parents must also work on their own sense of security to pass it on to their child.
A Universal Lesson
The lessons from adoption and attachment theory extend far beyond this specific context. They remind us that building trusting relationships relies on listening, empathy, and meeting the other person's needs – principles that apply to all human relationships.
These reflections invite us to ask: How can we create spaces of trust and security for others in our lives? By drawing inspiration from relationships in adoptive families, we can learn much about how to love and care for others.
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